- Donald Trump’s America
- RNC: Not For Me
- Some Men Just Want To Watch The World Bern
- How Sad the Exodus: Teaching Men’s Creative Writing in a County Jail
- Baby Foodie
- Literary Seductions: Twenty Books To Hook Up To
- With The Ringer and “Any Given Wednesday,” Bill Simmons Jumps the Shark
- 50 Bullet Points Concerning America’s Gun Psychosis
- Why I’m Opting Out of a Revolution
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- The 50 Greatest Superhero (and Villain) Names of All Time
- The 50 Greatest Literary Character Names of All Time
- RNC: Not For Me
- The 50 Greatest Band Names of All Time
- The 50 Most Drug-Addled Albums in Music History
- The 50 Greatest Unrequited Love Stories Ever
- Twenty-five Women I Fell in Love With Before I Was Twenty-five
- From Axl to Zappa: The 50 Greatest Musician Names of All Time (Side A)
- The 50 Greatest Pro Football Names of All Time
Author Archives: Lawrence Benner
During the Great North American Blizzard of 1996, while I was stranded for several days in the Greyhound Bus Terminal in Charlotte, I masturbated out of boredom to an L.L. Bean catalogue. Continue reading
[random text and images generated by pretentious robots]
“. . . the chalybeous night swarmed around, erubescent glass dark catoptromancies, ecchymotic seeping, a chiliad of coruscation, auroral florid bathers, rummaging cacoethes . . .”
find your fingers at the ends of your hands and push, long dark shadows peeling away, faces washing in and out with the surf, sea foam like tiny metallic cake decorations, asphalt gives way to gravel, children in choirs singing, … Continue reading
Mel Gibson as symbol—a carefully constructed image of heroism and virtue undermined by a poorly concealed ugliness—is America. Not as we like to see ourselves, but as we truly are—primitive, bigoted, enthralled by superstitions, waving our flags in the blind certainty that we are the greatest race of beings that ever erected a colonnade or scribbled guidelines on a spool of parchment.
Sometimes, the actors are so distractingly famous that latex appliances are required to aid in the suspension of disbelief. Nicole Kidman glues on a prosthetic nose, fills her pockets with rocks, walks into a pond . . . and Oscar history. Continue reading
Maybe The Sleepytime Bear is actually some sort of REM sleep vampire who feeds on the delta brainwaves of insomniacs, keeping them asleep long enough to feed, while their life force slowly ebbs away. On the astral plane, he flies out in darkness on great bat-like wings, scouring the countryside, the valleys and thoroughfares of the night echoing with his bloodthirsty cries.
Many are unaware of the restorative power of running with a pack of imaginary wolves.
Lawrence Benner locates his long lost daughter, and discovers that she is not a pixie living in a thorn bush.
“We have a biblical obligation and the constitutional right to share the message of Jesus.” Lawrence Benner explores the activities of religious groups in the local elementary.