Trump’s Cabinet Picks are Contestants on New Season of The Apprentice

SINCE ELECTION DAY, Donald Trump has trolled Democrats, and many moderate Republicans, by assembling what is, by any objective measure, the least qualified Cabinet in the history of the Republic.

His chief strategist traffics in anti-Semitism, and his national security adviser in conspiracy theories. His attorney general was too racist for the Reagan Administration. His secretary of education and his EPA chair want to destroy the agencies they will now head. His Treasury pick comes from Goldman Sachs, another target of his anti-Hillary campaign scorn. The only experience Ben Carson, his choice for HUD, has with housing is that he physically lives in a house. He’s tapped the head of a fake wrestling federation to helm the SBA; as one of precious few women in a room full of sexual predators and domestic abusers, she may well have to put her fake wrestling knowledge to actual use. Energy pick Rick Perry, fresh off his disastrous run on Dancing with the Stars, wanted to eliminate the department he will now head but could not remember it.

This isn’t just a lousy cabinet. This is egregiously awful. This is like The Producers, where he’s actively trying to make it suck. It’s almost like Trump’s attempted to take the worst possible people and elevate them to the plum positions. Like, Sarah Palin, a human being I would not trust to work the lunch shift at McDonald’s, is in charge of the VA; what message does that send to our armed forces?

The question is, what’s the play here? Is Trump so insecure that he needs to surround himself with losers, so he looks marginally better by comparison?

Then came news that Trump will continue to produce “The Apprentice” while he’s the president, and it all makes sense. Installing Perry at Energy, or Carson at HUD, is no different than hiring Meat Loaf or Gary Busey for a job for which they possess no qualifications beyond name recognition.

For the next few years, when each of these Cabinet fuck-ups fucks something up, we’ll be treated to the White House edition of Trump’s signature program, when he calls Mike Flynn or Jeff Sessions into the Oval Office to say: “You’re fired!” And when this happens, we will love it!

The campaign was run like a reality show. His Administration will be the same.

The difference, of course, is that it doesn’t matter if Omarosa makes a poor decision about Trump Vodka. Who cares? But I’m not sure I want a guy who believes Hillary Clinton is a child sex trafficker to whisper in Trump’s ear about how to handle North Korea. Because “you’re fired” is something Short Fingers could also say to a nuclear missile.

Can't spell APPRENTICE without P-E-N-C-E

Can’t spell APPRENTICE without P-E-N-C-E

Greg Olear

About Greg Olear

Greg Olear (@gregolear) is a founding editor of The Weeklings and the author of the novels Totally Killer and Fathermucker, an L.A. Times bestseller.
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