If Trump is Innocent, He HIMSELF Should Call for a Special Prosecutor

Dear Mr. President,

I’m sitting here working on yet another piece about your ties with Russia, which are, let’s face it, pretty damning. First Manafort, Stone, Cohen, Page, Flynn, now Kushner and Sessions…and then just now some guy I’ve never heard of, J.D. Gordon, said that you personally ordered the RNC to change its platform to adopt a softer stance toward Ukraine. There’s a timeline that shows this happening right after folks on your team met with the Russian ambassador.

This is not good, Mr. President. The optics on this are even worse than Kellyanne with her feet on the couch. And all we hear from you is denial after “fake news” after denial:

Your supporters may be that gullible, but the rest of us are not.

And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of obsessing over Twitter. Tired of the Dworkin Report promising new evidence of wrongdoing that turns out to be something I’ve known about for weeks. Tired of figuring out new ways to convey the magnitude of what’s happening to my friends on Facebook, most of whom have probably unfollowed me.

So here’s my solution:

You, Donald Trump, President of these United States, should YOURSELF demand a special prosecutor to conduct a broad investigation of the Russia Story. Put some guy who is not affiliated with you at all, maybe even (gasp!) a Democrat, in charge. The attorney general from Washington State would be a good choice. Or Zephyr Teachout, or Laurence Tribe.

The point is, YOU have to make this happen. And here’s why:

First off, it will stop the bleeding. The press will laud your maturity, and spend weeks gushing about how this moment constituted the Great Pivot they’ve all been waiting for. The Democrats will stop harassing you. People like me will stop wondering if we should track down the father of Carter Page because he happens to live near my house, and resume writing our non-Trump-related novels. The protests may even abate a little.

Second, it will establish once and for all that there’s no fire where the smoke is. That’s what you want, right? Because even some of your supporters must be seriously wondering right now if maybe you haven’t told the complete truth here. So the investigation will be conducted, and you will escape the Russia Story once and for all, because you’re innocent, right? You’re not in cahoots with Moscow! You’re not Putin’s puppet! You just happen to genuinely dig Russia, because you dig Slavic people, which makes sense because you married two of them, and you gravitate towards people who share your Russophilia.

Seriously, think about it. How awesome would you look if you called a press conference tomorrow and said this: “The Russia Story has become a distraction, and since there is no absolutely no basis for it, I’m going to put it to bed once and for all. I’m empowering a special prosecutor to investigate the alleged Russian election meddling, and any contacts between the Kremlin and members of my campaign team, my advisers, and my business associates. I’m fully confident that I and my team will be fully exonerated. To aid the special prosecutor, I will release all of my tax returns for the last 20 years.”

The only reason not to make that announcement, in fact, is to cover up your guilt and the guilt of your associates. Me, I remain convinced that you are a treasonous criminal who sold out his country to get out of debt and/or make a few bucks. And the only way you can prove me wrong is to agree to a full investigation.

Witch hunt, you say? Fake news? Prove it, POTUS.

Greg Olear

About Greg Olear

Greg Olear (@gregolear) is a founding editor of The Weeklings and the author of the novels Totally Killer and Fathermucker, an L.A. Times bestseller.
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One Response to If Trump is Innocent, He HIMSELF Should Call for a Special Prosecutor

  1. Thank you, Greg. Your writing continues to be spot on and I’m so glad you are keeping the Weeklings going with your unmaskings of The Dumpster.

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