Conspiracy Against the United States: Trump Treason Power Rankings (40)

This is the fifth installment of the Trump Treason Power Rankings, and the first since yesterday’s Indictment-palooza. Before we offer the rogue’s gallery of traitors, a few words:

Trump is guilty of colluding with an enemy foreign power to subvert democracy in the United States. This is a war crime, the most heinous offense, by far, that any occupant of the White House has ever committed. We laugh and joke about Trump because he presents as a buffoon, but make no mistake: this is treason, the most ignoble of offenses.

Plenty of people doubted that this day would happen. For those of us who persisted, it has requited enormous amounts of faith to wake up every day believing that justice would prevail. I have used extreme language when writing about this since before the election, not to be dramatic, but because the American public seems not to realize just how close we are to descending into autocracy. The Pax America is a historical outlier, without real parallel other than perhaps the halcyon days of the early Roman Empire. It can be gone in a flash. And we’re not out of the woods yet.

Yesterday, Trump’s campaign chairman, who presided over his campaign during the peak treason months of March to August, 2016, was indicted, along with his deputy, on 12 felony counts. His CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN. The CHAIRMAN of his CAMPAIGN.

Yeah, no. It was last year, when he was the CHAIRMAN OF YOUR CAMPAIGN. And when he LIVED IN TRUMP TOWER. And when he HAND-PICKED MIKE PENCE TO BE YOUR VP. And when he ATTENDED THE MEETING WITH YOUR IDIOT NAMESAKE SON AND THE PUTIN ATTORNEY.

This is a BIG FUCKING DEAL.

And now, the list:

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1. Paul Manafort
CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE UNITED STATES.

2. Rick Gates
CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE UNITED STATES.

3. George Papadopoulos
It’s nice that Georgios flipped and all, but before he flipped, he was an active agent for Moscow.

In any other society from ancient times until now, these three would hang in the public square. Lucky for them that the USA is merciful.

Moving on.

4. Mike Pence
Manafort’s choice for VP, spoke with him every day during the transition, and worked closely with Gates, who remained with the campagn even after Manafort left. Ya think Pence is blameless? If I were Mother, I’d be looking for a new Daddy.

5. Jared Kushner
Here’s my take on Boy Wonder’s Faustian bargain with Marafort.

6. Roger Stone
Banished from Twitter, but the point is moot. You can’t tweet from the hoosegow.

7. Donald Trump, Jr.
He’s a real dick on Twitter. I’m going to be happy when he’s in cuffs. And, I mean, he’s already been on the cover of Time for being a crook.

8. Sarah Huckabee Sanders
I saw a report that she was bombed out of her mind the other night at some DC bar. Which explains how she can sleep at night, I suppose. At least Manafort and the Trumps and Jared made money on their treason. What did Sarah get out of it? Ridicule, forever. Pathetic.

9. Ivanka Trump
Her birthday was yesterday. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, you’ll die in the hoosegow, and Jared will, too!

10. Jeff Sessions
Racist Keebler Elf was fully submerged in the Treason Hot Tub, naked as a jaybird.

11. Devin Nunes
Prediction: his will be the longest prison sentence.

12. Donald Trump
Won’t be long now…

Not Ranked: Kim Jong Un, Steve Bannon, Values Voters, Julian Assange, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Tomi Whateverthefuckhernameis, Cambridge Analytica, Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, Devin Nunes, Devin Nunes recusing himself but then calling backsies, Tom Price, Tom Price’s hateful wife, Steve Mnunchin, Steve Mnunchin’s hateful wife, Uranium One, Uranium Two, all the little Uraniums, Wilbur Ross, Reince Priebus, Sean Spicer, Mike Flynn, Betsy DeVos, Cyrus Vance, Eric Trump, Michael Cohen, Rudy Giuliani, Felix Sater, “Doctor” Seb Gorka, Melania Trump, Brad Parscale, Stephen Miller, Rex Tillerson, John Kelly, Tody Podesta, Erik Trump, Lara Trump, Erik Prince, Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Friendster, Ello, WhatsApp, Pinterest, and the racist owner of the Houston Texans.

One Last Thing
None of the Trumpsters depicted in this excellent, excellent video were arrested yesterday:

But as Robert Plant sang, “Your time is gonna come.”

In the tradition of Amy Siskind’s (more exhaustive and better) weekly list of subtle authoritarian changes, козырь is a weekly ranking of who in Trump’s circle of corrupt associates has committed the most treason in the past seven days. H/t to Mark Listanti, late of Grantland, whose brilliant format for “Mad Men Power Rankings” I have appropriated. Updated every Tuesday until Mueller saves the Republic. 

Greg Olear

About Greg Olear

Greg Olear (@gregolear) is a founding editor of The Weeklings and the author of the novels Totally Killer and Fathermucker, an L.A. Times bestseller.
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