SEVEN THINGS WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS WEEK: White Newscaster Lies

 

“Not caring about things since 1971, so that you don’t have to.”

 

Rand Red

 

7. Every time you’re tempted to think that maybe Rudy Giuliani isn’t a cowardly, hairless dog half-sick from eating his own vomit, he once again says something so utterly stupid and indefensible, falling completely outside the bounds of ideology or legitimate political differences, that he reels you right back in.

6. RIP Leslie Gore – Grandma Navy’s favorite singer. And awesome as Pussycat on Batman. I’ll cry for her just a little now, because that’s exactly what I want to do.

cool-stuff-lesley-gorejpg-49734b8bf1507773_large

 

5. Scott Walker – now the G.O.P frontrunner for president, unless you count the third leg of Bush. Walker busted the teacher’s union in Wisconsin, is trying to gut the University (which is really the only thing to brag about in Wisconsin), has been bankrolled by the Koch brothers, leads a state ranked 51st in job creation, and has had a recall attempt against him that got more than a million votes. Otherwise, the dude would make an excellent leader. Also, was that him asking questions on O’Reilly last night?

4. Smug pop-collar FOX News douchebags asking people history questions in order to point out how stupid they are, without appreciating the greater irony that they’re actually belittling their own audience for being stupid enough to watch O’Reilly in the first place. Not to mention only tuning Bill in to stare at his huge man-tits.

 

 

2. Didn’t we just have this face discussion? Pro, con, or indifferent, let’s not have this face discussion any more.

uma-thurman

 

1. President’s Day – Really just a cheap excuse to force people to learn how to spell Leon Czolgosz. March 16th should actually be Anarchist’s Day, with trenches full of Bakunin cake and wheelbarrows stacked with Max Hödel pie.

 

 

Vince Navy

About Vince Navy

Vince Navy is the original Walking Dude. After a stint in the Merchant Marine and a few tours on trumpet for Johnny Midnight and the Velveteers, he released his first chapbook Howling From The End of The End, which was followed by the iconic short story collection Abduction Songs and Cock Shadows. Navy currently lives in San Francisco with his partner Reina and their dogs Isolde and Tristan. He is hard at work on a novel about all the things Nathaniel West forgot to satirize. Follow him @VinceNavy
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